Hi! My name is Alyssa Lerner and I'm a queer Filipino-American filmmaker. I, alongside my producers Tracy Smith and Kimia Behpoornia and fiscal sponsor, A BUNCH OF SAVAGES, want to tell you a little story that's very dear to our hearts. Take a seat and grab some tea while we tell you about FIRST DEATH, starring Kimia Behpoornia, Vic Michaelis, Kiko Soirée, and Dylan Mulvaney.
We’ve all been told that there are certain markers to tell us if our lives have been well lived: a loving family, a long marriage, 2.3 biological children, a respectable career. When I realized I was queer as a teenager, it suddenly felt like all the markers of adult life were painfully out of reach. At the time, I had no accepting family, no legal gay marriage, and no hope for biological children. Thus, it felt like I had no way of growing up. I figured that soon I would just... die.
I trudged along, not dying. Trepidatiously learning to be myself. Learning that when you live outside of normativity... you still live. Somewhere along the way, not dying became living. And living became gratitude for the distance I have from society’s norms. I became proud to live on my own terms-- limitless.
Then one day, I met a woman who was on track to meet all the markers of normative adulthood. She had a curated life, complete with a long-term boyfriend, house, and career, but then-- perhaps unfortunately-- she fell in love with me. She kept our affair a secret, maintaining appearances, while I itched to remain as open as I had spent my life fighting to be. It felt like a fight between our timelines. I begged her to join me on my terrifyingly limitless path, while she clung to the traditional one she had always wanted.
She chose to stay on her path, so I continued on mine.
I spent months nursing my own wounds by judging hers: she was a coward, she was making a mistake, she was wasting her life. But the truth is... there’s no way to waste your life. There are no markers to a life well lived. You could marry a man. You could have a child. You could do neither. You could live your truth, or you could keep your truth preciously close to your chest. You make your choices and live with them... and that’s just it: you live. And that is always enough.
Our film, FIRST DEATH, follows 659, a newly formed soul who gets placed in their first lifetime on earth as a woman named MARGOT. After an abruptly short life and untimely death, 659 unwillingly returns to Sky Headquarters, determined to take a piece of their life as Margot into the afterlife with them.
FIRST DEATH is a comedic fantasy short film with the whimsical world-building of THE GOOD PLACE and the urgent longing and heart of ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. It follows one soul coming to terms with the devastating truth that, no matter the length and what they did, their life was worth living. And, thus, it is worth grieving. With this film, I want to show the violence with which we hold onto what is not meant for us-- and the gentleness required to let go. After all, the heart is a door: letting something leave it requires opening it once more.
The project shot over five (5) days in Los Angeles this past January, merely a week after the onset of the devastating Palisades and Eaton fires. After countless production meetings on how best to move forward given the tragedy around us, we ultimately decided to move forward with production in order to give our cast and crew a sense of normalcy, financial help and community. We provided K-N95 masks to all who wanted one on set, utilized air purifiers throughout all set locations and aimed to keep all operations inside as much as possible. We remained communicative and open to all concerns, feelings, gripes and tears. Ultimately, it was a beautiful moment of community and togetherness.
FIRST DEATH was an incredibly ambitious endeavor. This film includes fantastical practical and visual effects and involved creating and designing an entirely new world. High-production value tools like these are typically reserved for expensive Hollywood films. With the financial and emotional support of our incredible community, including our fiscal sponsor A BUNCH OF SAVAGES, we were able to use our skills and experience to create a film that rivals those that are studio-funded.
Out on Film 2025 Filmmaker Fund Recipient
Inside Out 2025 RE: Focus Fund Recipient
Panavision 2025 New Filmmaker Program; Equipment and Post-Production Grant
PANO 2025 Microgrants Round 6 Finalist
Pandora 2025 Short Film Grant Finalist
Shore Scripts 2025 Short Film Fund Semi-Finalist
This story is told from a queer, nonbinary, non-white perspective and we prioritized the same type of representation both in front of and behind the camera. We wanted to create an authentic, nuanced world, centered around queer and trans people of color. We wanted to show that we are multifaceted people, allowed to tell stories of love and longing -- stories that fall outside of our long-exploited-by-Hollywood identity struggles.
Even with the specificity of our story, we believe FIRST DEATH will resonate with anyone who has grappled with the grief of letting go. This is not just a film; it’s a message of hope, love, and resilience aimed at a global audience.